I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
