I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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