oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
