I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
