I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
