Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
