My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
