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I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
