He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
