I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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