someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
