I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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