You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
