Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
