all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
