Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
