mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
