I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
