he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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