why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
