So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
