Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
