How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
