no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
