sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
