Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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