I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
