Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
