Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
