The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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