I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
