I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
