I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
