It was confusing and full of hummus
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
