after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
