Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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