We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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