so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
