I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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