it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
