as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
