HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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