I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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