I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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