so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
