A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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