even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
