She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just had sex on a roof
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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