As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
