My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
