I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I love you. Go after that dick
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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